°•You Don't Need to Convince Me. I Know You're the One I Should Be With..•°

ohh, those summer nights...

Tue, 16 Aug 2005 17:13:55 GMT

Summer is officially almost over. And of course, I just got SUPER busy, right in time for my last week of bliss. Skechers finally got their act together, my manager didn't write down my number before he sent my application and stuff to the main office. Yesterday was my first day. I worked with Emily, Timmy, Garrett, and some other kid whose name I can't remember. Oh, and my boss, Ian. Everyone there is SO freaking easygoing...they basically don't care what you do, as long as by the end of the day, everything is in order. They're all pretty young and they're really funny. No one there likes kids, so they made me fit them for shoes and stuff. It was pretty sick... Anywho. I think I'm going to like it. It seems like a pretty easy job; I got the hang of things really quickly. I work the rest of this week; you should come visit me. :) (Tuesday-Thursday: 5-9; Friday: 6-9; Saturday:12-6.) I should be getting relatively good hours since I won't be in school all that much.

Speaking of which, orientation for BC3 is on Friday. Luc's going, so I'm glad about that, I'm just nervous. And I'm upset...I cannot believe my summer is OVER. Back to school. *sigh.* At least I won't be going to school a whole lot. Basically, only 2 days a week. That works for me.

Last night after work I hung out with Jenn. We hopped in her pimped out van with spinners (heheh) and drove around downtown blasting hits like Barbie Girl and Wannabe. We kept driving down Broad Street and the downtown crew threw cheeseburgers and socks at us. Gross. We were gonna have a water balloon war, but alas, dark came too early for that and I had to go home. Blah. At least I got to see Jenn, though.

Tonight's Real World night. Katie better be around, my whole week was ruined because she was on vacation. There are much more important things than getting yourself away from Grove City...like watching the innerworkings of a reality star's twisted, sex-driven mind.

Alright, I'm out of here. I'm hungry and hot and just oh, so miserable.

Audrey.

P.S. I'd like to apologize for this entry having all of the flair of a 5 year old's "My Favorite Summer" paper.

best friends mean we go down together

Sat, 13 Aug 2005 00:02:41 GMT

Warning: This will be an extremely pessimistic entry written specifically for the sake of complaining and "hating" shamelessly.

Alright, I know who has access to my journal, and I know who can read it, and frankly, I did nothing. I was trying to help out a friend. I would apologize if I did something wrong or said something wrong, but I didn't. I wasn't trying to get anyone "in trouble" with their friends. I can say, howevr, that I pride myself for being there for my friends and for not stabbing them in the back at every opportunity.

Recently, I was verbally attacked by someone with the intelligence level of a elementary school dropout inhabiting a crackden in Southwest Philadelphia. Or, an inanimate object-such as Clorox. Truth be told, I'd prefer to down a bottle of Clorox rather than have another conversation with this individual. First of all, she started the conversation by throwing out embarrassingly ridiculous words that were either made up or had nothing to do with, well, ANYTHING. I didn't know whether to be amused or sad. I was amused because, uh, they were FAKE WORLDS, people! Well, I suppose I should clarify. Some of the words were not fake. One of them was a real word, but it had to do with the forest. That's all very good, but the forest just wasn't a topic of discussion at this point in time. Give me a call whenever you'd like to go for a hike, or maybe save some wildlife. On the other hand, I was a little upset because it was a real wake up call. The school board really isn't being picky about those they allow to graduate high school. I can only pray she isn't going on to higher education. I say this because the wake up call I got would be NOTHING compared to the one she'd get if she stepped foot in a university and expected to pass.

Of course, after I proved this girl to be a complete and utter fool, she had some very intelligent and hurtful things to throw back at me. (i.e. i dident no i waz in english class) I thank the lord she managed to spell English correctly. I don't consider myself to be smarter than anyone in the way of several things. All I ask is that the English language be left in tact. If you're going to use it, please just be gentle. I mean, I was reprimended for inquiring about the meaning of the word "wif." My deepest apologies for not talking like I walked straight out of the ghetto.

I'm sick of everyone bringing down their friends. Why is this necessary? A friendship is not a hard concept to grasp. You hang out, you tell secrets, you keep secrets, and you do not start fights for the sake of starting fights! When I'm friends with someone, I try to always be there for them, not see how far I can push them and stand by while other people call them slutty, bitchy, fat, or anything else. *Accusations which we ALL know are not true.* I don't know if jealousy runs away with people, or the human race is just so obsessed with drama that without it, they can't breathe, but I can only pray that my friends never treat me the way YOU treat yours. I'm just sorry that I have to take sides with this whole thing, but it's kind of obvious. Ashley will always be my friend, she has yet to stab me in the back and treat me like crap when she's with other people. I can also guarantee that she would NEVER just stand by while someone made fun of me. So that's all, I guess.

♦ i'll play bobby and you'll play whitney ♦

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 16:38:06 GMT

Are Bobby Brown and Whitney Housten, the infamous new reality tv stars, now the epitome of a healthy, happy relationship? I'm confused. All I've seen from them is hemorroid (sp.) probing and whatnot. But then again, they also sang "You Must've Caught Amnesia." Hmm. I'm less than thrilled with the Black-Eyed Peas' metaphors.

Enough about that, have you all noticed my new layout? For a bit, I debated on saying that I made it myself, but that wouldn't be very nice. Searching for cute layouts with text that is actually readable has proved to be a terrible feat. I suppose this one will do for the time being, even though I would much rather have something music related. That's neither here nor there, however, so let's move on.

Nothing interesting has happened, but that's to be expected. I've only been hanging out with Katie and Luc, and I saw Ashley one day. Jenn and I keep making plans but something always happens to thwart our intentions. You'll be interested to know that I did find out what happened to Danny on the Real World, but Katie was on vacation this week, so I don't know if he's returning to the show. I did find out that Lacey's boyfriend is a paraplegic. (my spelling is horrific today, I apologize.) She's weird and pasty...like Casper. I was actually thinking about putting Real World recaps on my LiveJournal, but then I realized that they would all be spinoffs of an amazing website I have been reading recaps on. The author of them is an amazingingly witty, sarcastic writer, and everytime I read them, I laugh hysterically. No one's stupidity goes unnoticed with him...he specifically has an unadultered hatred for Rachel and Lacey. Here's the sight, if any of you are interested:

http://www.tvgasm.com/archives/real_world/index.php ♥

College starts on August 22nd. I'm feeling a little sick about this for several reasons. One, the thought of returning to school makes my stomach churn. My summer went by way too fast, but I suppose I have few complaints. Secondly, I'm going to be with all of the "big kids." They're going to laugh at me and call me spaghetti hair and stuff. :( Oooh, please help. What if they don't liiike mee.? I suppose whining wouldn't be the way to win anyone's heart. I'm also a little upset that it's so far away, but that aspect of it is pretty worth it as I will only have a full day of school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Luc is probably going to go, and he'll try to get into my classes. That would be superb. My dad wasn't impressed with that. Apparantly, we go to school to learn now. I didn't get that memo. Last year, I don't think I learned one thing. All we did, (as in The Hollywood Freaks, heh) was skip class, have fun, and when we did make an appearance in class, we goofed off and talked. We cheated our way through the entire year. Oh, and we never got caught for anything. I had a lot of fun my junior year. And everyone said it would be hard...

As far as Skechers goes, they're still processing all of my information. I suppose they've stumbled upon my extremely large criminal record and now they're just checking things out. Either that or they're lazy bastards. I mean, I was officially hired, they're just having a hard time getting me an employee number. Curses, I need to start working so Luc doesn't have to fill up my gas tank all of the time.

So there it is. I haven't been doing anything. Oh, except for watching movies. I've watched about 20 new movies in a month. Don't look at me, my mom is the one who turned off the satellite dish. I've been taking extreme advantage of Superbowl's 555 deal and Ron's advice. I've watched The Opposite of Sex, Tangled, Disturbing Behavior, Interstate, Magnolia, Mean Creek, United States of Leland *amazing*, uh..and tons more. Tangled was pretty good too...for all of you ladies who are allowed to look at movie stars, I would suggest salivating on Jonathan Rhys-Meyers. Now do not be under the impression that he induces saliva from ME. I was merely making an innocent suggestion. I have reason to believe that he might be a sight for some's sore eyes. ;)

Well, it looks like another day at home for me. Only the second one in a row since I've been home, heh, but my gas tank is empty and who knows when I'll see Luc again, what with his crazy new schedule and all. Ho Hum, I'm out of here. My sisters are "ice skating" on the hard wood floors again. This has the potential of getting very ugly. Please help.

Love you bye. ♦

Ashley Noel Shumaker? Yeah, I Love Her.

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 21:18:17 GMT

I just thought that I'd mention her

in my subject because, well, she's

beautiful and I love her very, very

much.

If this looks weird, as in, my

text or the spacing is weird, it's

just because of the way this layout

is set up. It's hard to read the

font that comes with it, so I'm

trying to make it work. I don't

really have too much to write about.

I've just been hanging out with my

friends and whatnot. And Luc. I

still love him. Our 9 month

anniversary is on the 14th. Sweet.

So, what have I done since I last

wrote? Philadelphia...I went to

Live 8 which was absolutely awesome,

Elton John, hung out with my Mom-Mom

who I love more than life itself,

got 2 viruses on my dad and step-mom's

computer, went to Jersey shore, went to

South Street...and then Luc flew out

and we drove my car back together.

Since I've been home I've gone to Luc's

graduation party, hung out with Sarah,

Katie, and a couple other people, mm,

layed out in the sun, watched some movies,

I suppose that's it. Oh, I got a job at

Skechers in the outlet malls. Awesome. I

got a new cell phone..and I've been watching

the Real World like crazy. I'm going over to

Katie's today to find out what happens to

Danny. I must know.

Love you bye.

δ LiGhT uP, LiGhT uP..aS iF yOu HaVe a ChOiCe δ

Fri, 10 Jun 2005 04:09:13 GMT

♦I'll sing it one last time for you

Then we really have to go

You've been the only thing that's right

In all I've done.

And I can barely look at you

But every single time I do

I know we'll make it anywhere

Anywhere from here...

Light up, light up

As if you have a choice

Even if you cannot hear my voice,

I'll be right beside you dear

To think I might not see those eyes

Makes it so hard not to cry

And as we say our long goodbyes

I nearly do...♦

Maybe I'm being a little melodramatic with that song choice, but I am feeling pretty distraught right now. In fact, I'm bawling my eyes out like a baby. I just said goodbye to Luc and I'm only going to see him one more time before I go to Philly for five weeks...and that's not until the 15th. The crappy part is, I kind of ruined today. I guess it wasn't really my fault, per say..I mean, I was rather menstrual and I was having hot flashes and I just did NOT want to be touched because his skin felt like hot coals laying on my body. The whole day wasn't bad..maybe I'm exaggerating a bit. He picked me up from school at one and he bought me Dairy Queen because he's totally sweet and he knew I'd been craving a strawberry shortcake for awhile. Then, we went to his grandma's house with his brother and went swimming. That was a lot of fun. After that, we decided to go play frisbee. His team sucked really bad, but I must say that JJ and him are two of the greatest frisbee players I have ever seen. After we got back to his house, his daddy made us some steak and we ate it and then we watched Pulp Fiction. That's when the troubles began. I just could not get comfortable..and even though I wanted to "cuddle," or what have you, I was too hot and miserable so I just fell asleep. Not really the way I wanted to spend our last hour together before I get to see him again for a week. On the way home, we got pulled over because Luc's registration lights were out. Yeah...I didn't even know what those were. :-/ The cop was an idiot and searched Luc's car..I got pretty lippy about that. There was absolutely no reason for them to do it. I wish Luc hadn't given permission for them to go through it. Oh well. But yeah, so he dropped me off and we said our "long goodbyes" and then I went in my room and cried for a little bit, and well, here I am...sad, miserable, and lonely.

On a brighter note, I got my stuff that I lost from Geauga Lake in the mail today. It was pretty unexpected...my camera and my license were there perfectly fine. Sweet. Also, my phone was found. Who would've guessed that one half of the Spawn of Satan had skiffed it? Grr.

Luc and I hung out last night, too. He picked me up from the bomb threat..which was totally sweet by the way, and we went swimming at Kennerdell with Katie, Jenn, and Brent. It was totally rad. We jumped off a rock and then we decided that we were too cold for such foolishness. We went to the park and laid together in the shade and talked and stuff, and then we rented Sleepers and came back to my house. That movie is so depressing, but so excellent. After we watched that, we jumped on the trampoline like crazy people and took a walk and talked some more. Then he went home.

I love Luc more than I can even begin to explain to anyone. It's kind of hard for me to take a lot of peoples' relationships seriously. I mean, I can't sit here and say that no one has ever felt what I feel, but I find it impossible that they would ever let something as great as this go...and just move along to the next in line. No one could ever take Luc's place. There is no one as perfect, as loving, as sweet, and amazing as he is. No one that cares more or ever will care about me more than him. God, he is so perfect.

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

The last day of school was today. It was boring, useless, and all out stressful. We weren't allowed to go anywhere because of the bomb threat, and there were police everywhere so we couldn't leave early. It happens that most of the school had actually planned on making a break for it..including myself. Luc was going to come at 11:30, but I had to call him and tell him eff it, just come at the right time. So he did. I didn't say goodbye to one person. I don't know why..I mean, I'm sure no one really cared, and I'm not like, tough for doing it, but I guess it would've been nice to get some phone numbers or something. Oh well.

Tomorrow I'm going to Virginia Beach. I don't think I've ever been this little excited about any kind of vacation before. Maybe it hasn't sunk in? In any case, I'd rather be with Luc on Monday for his 18th birthday. I'll get back from VA on the 14th, *our 7th month anniversary*, and I'll hang out with Luc on the 15th before leaving on the 16th for Philly. I'll be back July 16th, and then I'll need to find a job. Luc got one..he's working from 8-5 Monday through Friday. Sweet.

Alright, well, I need to go watch Garden State or something equally depressing so I can cry like a sis about my upcoming separation from my amazing boyfriend.

Goodnight, all.

Audrey

::Careful now, you're so beautiful::

Sun, 05 Jun 2005 19:52:28 GMT

I haven't written for a pretty long time. Mainly because I really haven't had too much to say, and to be frank, I don't now, either.

Things have been going relatively well. My mom has been being overly nice, and school is nearing an end. I've not been doing anything new; just hanging out with friends, spending as much time as possible with Luc, and studying for finals.

As the end of the school year comes to the close, I just get more and more disgusted with everyone in the building. I can't walk down a hallway without seeing a large number of kids that I absolutely detest. The things they talk about, the way they act, the FRONTS that they so obviously put on disgust me to no end. Everyone is trying to be someone they're not, and it sickens me. This whole emo thing, WHAT IS EMO?? Emotional? No, no, that's not emo. Emo is when guys wear girls' clothing and listen to My Chemical Romance and go to the local shows at Sun Gins and write angsty poetry about how terrible their lives are. Get over it. You don't just become emotional. It's a personality trait that one always has..not a new pair of trendy Converse Allstars. Emo is not wearing two belts, dying chunks of your hair, pretending to have a deep understanding of music and all things deep, and claiming to be "indie." That's another thing that burns me up. Indie? Not one person in our school can truly claim that title as something to describe themselves. Genuine "independent" people don't run around thumbing their nose at the school and demanding respect for their "artistic abilities." (i.e., poetry) As far as I'm concerned, "indie" is a type of music that consists of bands and artists that cannot be classified as a particular genre. And another thing, do not gripe and complain about not being emo/indie if you CLEARLY want people to view as such. The attention seeking games are old, pathetic, and tiresome, so get over yourself and quit acting like the depressed youth that you want everyone to see you as. Especially if you are 17+ and you have the opportunity to make your own life. The petty stages and stereotypes need to go. They're dramatic, annoying, and completely ridiculous.

God, I hate the repressed adolescents of today. That's not to say I hate people with problems, by the way. Talk about your problems, but don't walk around, drowning in self-pity, waiting for everyone to ask you "what's wrong?"

Enough ranting. I don't even know where that came from.

Yesterday, JJ, Luc, me, and Ashley went to Geauga Lake. It was pretty fun, until I got a slight case of sun poisoning and started to become nauseous on every ride. I lost my camera and my driver's license though, so that was no good. Not ALL that much to say about it; we got lost on the way there, found out how cheap that place is, looked at the disgusting carp, rode the rides, and layed out. It was a pretty good time.

I'm leaving for Virginia Beach and then Philadelphia soon. I'm sad. I'm excited to see my family, but I'm going to miss Luc sooo much. (I went to his graduation on Friday, I was so proud, heh.) I'll be there during his graduation party, his birthday and our 7th and 8th month anniversaries. Whoa is me. :( I love him muchly.

Alright, I'm going to go get my burn.

Audrey Renee'

░ ...i've seen better days... ░

Mon, 02 May 2005 20:40:13 GMT

It's been quite awhile since I've last updated. I, like many avid LiveJournal users, have abandoned my former post and resorted to perfecting my ever improving Myspace account. I'm sure that my lack of entries has not proved to be of heartache to anyone, but I'm extremely bored and angsty and I feel as though I must release my anger through writing, heh.

I suppose that a detailed account of every single day that I've neglected to write will only cause devestation to my 2 or 3 odd readers, so I will briefly summarize. My mother has officially lost her mind. I'm sure that this is common knowledge to most, but well, I just don't know how much more I'm going to be able to handle. She feels it necessary to only allow me to hang out with Luc in shifts, and calls me about 39 times while I'm with him. She keeps telling me that she "knows what [I] did," but she's "waiting for me to come clean." I did write a relatively detailed account of a party that I went to in my handwritten journal, but mothers who invade their daughter's privacy so incredibly unsubtely are usually frowned upon. Therefore, she can't exactly say "Audrey, I read your journal. I know what you did." Instead, we're playing ridiculous "truth games." She's in for a big surprise if she thinks I'm going to admit things to her. Please. Last Saturday was terrible. She flipped out on not only on me, but on Luc, for coming at 10 a.m. Apparantly, our intent to be together all day until after his hockey game was completely ludicrous, and she embarrassed herself by telling us both her opinion. She made us go to Bible Study on Wednesday, which is exactly what Luc wants to drive an hour to do. Yesterday, when I failed to comment enthusiasticly enough on my sisters' new haircuts, I was informed that I have nothing to offer this family. My thoughts were never exactly sought after before, but alright. She asked me why I hate my family so much. Perhaps, because they hate me. I wrote her a long letter, probably about 7 pages long. In it, I explained about how I was aware of her rendevous rifling through my things, and I'm sick of her treating me like a twelve year old slut. It's like she think I should be on house arrest, strictly because I am a teenager, and she "knows how things can be." I've talked to my dad about things, but there really isn't much he can say. He invited me to Philadelphia for the entire summer, but as I've said before, I couldn't leave Luc for that long. (Plus, he doesn't go to church, heh.) Sometimes I honestly think my mom only wants best for me, and I feel bad for hating her so much. But when it comes down to it, she just doesn't show me that she cares about me. I can't wait to leave.

Things with my friends are going pretty well. There has been no drama, in that department at least, and I am so thankful for that. Jenn and Katie are great friends and I'm glad I have them to back me up. They weren't in school for like, 2 weeks, and that was hell, but they're back now and we've been having a lot of fun wreaking havoc and being our usual boisterous, cynical selves.

There's a certain situation that I would like to address. It involves disgusting, filthy people in my school. I'm sure that this will get back to them, and in fact, I hope that it does, because everything I'm about to say, I mean. I would say it to them, but they never listen long enough for me to get all of this out.

First of all, I live in a trailer, not a trailer park. No, this isn't much better in the eyes of such wealthy folks as yourself. Oh YEAH!! You're f'ing pooooor!! What's this, I'm trash? Yes, my living quarters are really not up to par with you "upperclass" yuppies. But I thought that it took many more characteristics than one's home to define them as trash. Let's see here. I shower, so I'm not "dirty." I'm on high honor roll, so I'm not a "sped." I do not sleep around, so that whole "slut" thing doesn't really work. My boyfriend does not look like an animal that can be found in the Pittsburgh Zoo. My father's income is probably greather than BOTH of your parents' incomes put together. (Oh, I apologize for sinking to your pathetic level, but it just couldn't be helped.) Hmm...from what I understand, "Miss Thang" has had sex with quite a few people, sometimes taking two partners in one night! Appetizing! I don't know if either of you are smart or not, but I do know that you are not rich. I have a lot of people to testify to THAT. As for showering, even if you do, your appearance certainly doesn't justify it. As Katie would say, you really should do something about your "canky ass hair." It's really unflattering. What I'm trying to get is this. You both look like shit. Your appearance is absolutely dispicable, and I am completely embarrassed to think that you are from the same species as me or any other human. You act like absolute dumbasses, and talk like Jerry Springer esque whores. Miss Thang, you do nothing but DEFINE the phrase "trailer trash," and you are the epitome of a skank. You're hideously ugly, and the way you walk can only be defined as the stride of a preying mantis. As for your boyfriend, well...anything anyone says to him will go completely over his head, seeing as how he's an APE. Both of you need to get tested for freaking STDs...I don't even feel comfortable breathing the air that you breathe. Ew, I shudder when I think about how revolting the two of you are. You make a wonderful couple.. that is all. :-* :)

-When will people learn that it's very rare that a high school student is the sole provider for their family. Therefore, is it really my fault that I'm poor? At least I don't try to act like I'm something I'm not, which is more than I could say for some people.

With that being said, heh...

Things with Luc and I are going pretty awesome. We went to go see Sin City which was wicked sweet, and we've just done a lot of hanging out, sometimes with friends such as Katie, but mostly solo. He's been coming twice a week because he got his car fixed, so that's awesome. He's so sweet!! Gah I love that boy. On Wednesday, we're hanging out with Jenn and Brent, so that'll most definitely be something to look forward to, and probably to write about heh.

Alright, much love you kids.

Audrey Renee'

My mood, "fed up with ignorance" basically means I'm fed up with stupidity. I don't mean igorant in the sense: " stop bein' so ignernt."

φ i hunger for your touch φ

Fri, 15 Apr 2005 23:09:37 GMT

Last night Elizabeth came over and spent the night. We watched Eulogy and Napoleon Dynamite and talked and stuff that evening, and then today we layed out until she went home. It was an okay night I suppose, but I didn't get to talk to Luc for very long.

Today is dumb. We went to Dairy Queen, but that's where our fun family time came to an end. My mother is..trying to ruin my life. She made up all of these ridiculous rules of who I'm allowed to hang out with, for how long, and only if we're supervised. The funny thing is, she has NO REASON. She just said because she thinks it's pretty reasonable. I think she's pretty insane. Ashley IMed me and asked me to hang out, but we can't because Mommy Dearest doesn't realize how expensive gas is and that people cannot be running me around all the time just because she doesn't trust me enough to let me spend the night at their houses. She's a girl for God's sake, and she's babysitting tonight. What's going to happen? Gah.

People are really pissing me off. Why can't we all just get along and quit talking about each other?? Grrrrr...

Audrey Renee'.

⌂you treat me like i'm a princess

i'm not used to liking that

you ask how my day was

you've already won me over

in spite of me

and don't be alarmed if i fall

head over feet

and don't be suprised if i love you

for all that you are

i couldn't help it

it's all your fault!♦

•DoN'T bE §UpRiSeD iF i LoVe yOu fOr aLL tHaT yOu ArE•

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 15:05:50 GMT

Ah curses. I can feel my heath slowly disintegrating. I have several symptoms of mono, however, I just be a minute bit paranoid. You see, friends, Jenn was just diagnosed with mono and a form of hepatitus that is related to mono. We share a lot of things: lipgloss, silverware, drinks, and even though I am trying my hardest not to be an insane hypochondriac, my psyche is being overwhelmed with "what ifs?" I suppose I'm more concerned about Luc, but I really don't want to miss a lot of school right now. I probably don't even have it. Here are my symptoms. I seem to remember one of you having it, perhaps you can assist me in making a semi-educated diagnosis. Sore throat, dizziness, extreme fatigue, trouble concentrating, slightly swollen glands, and hot sweats during the night. The sweating thing...last night was so terrible. I woke up about 3 times, perspirating something terrible. I opened the windows, stripped, and threw all of my blankets on the floor--all to no avail. Needless to say, it wasn't the best sleep I've ever had. Yesterday, however, was rather enjoyable. The school day was alright because Katie and Jenn were there in the morning. Jenn is so sick though, I feel really terrible, and she went home after first period. Katie on the other had, the TROOPER that she is, stayed until 6th and headed home. That girl has missed so much school, it's a wonder she's not failing. I went home, and Luc came over. We went to Family Tradition and visited with Tyler, and then we went to Wal Mart and I bought lipgloss and tanning oil. 'Twas tres magnificant. We came home, and that's where the fun ended. My mom doesn't allow us to lay down, even on the couch, WITH MY ENTIRE FAMILY IN THE ROOM, so that was a bit bothersome. She yelled at us for the way we were sitting, and told us to take out Garden State because she doesn't like the language. Hello? She *bought* me the movie. Gah, she was so annoying. She wonders why I'm constantly on the brink of having a panic attack. I have no idea what is going on for Saturday...I want to go to Cranberry or something, or to see his parents, but since my mother is being psycho, that doesn't seem to be in the cards. That woman is so frustrating. Well, I suppose I had better go. I'm in school at the moment...once again sitting in the library. I swear, I spend more time in here a day than I do in my classes. Damnit, I just remembered a vocabulary quiz I have next period in francais. Why did I TAKE that class??!? Grr... On a brighter note, today is Luc and my 5 month anniversary. :) I love you :-* Audrey Renee' P.S. My throat hurts something terrible. :( Wow, my hamster looks..jealous. Not the appropriately alloted "sickly."

-:- i love you, always forever -:-

Mon, 11 Apr 2005 18:30:27 GMT

Long time no write. I’m supposed to be typing a 4 page paper that’s due Wednesday in the computer lab, but I opted to go ahead and skip that one.

Last week was pretty fun. I was busy every single day, which made it go really quickly. Monday after school, I did some crazy deep cleaning, which is always a pleasure, heh. Tuesday, Luc came over. First, we went to the pet store so I could find a hamster. I fell in love with Mr. Andrew’s, the biology teacher, and I decided that I wanted to have one. Luc really liked the name Charlie, so Charlie it is, only it’s spelled “Charleigh” cause she’s a girl. After we dropped her off at my house, we went to the mall and I picked up applications to a ton of stores, and then we went back to my house and watched Eulogy again. I love that movie very much. And Luc. He went home around 10, and I went to sleep. Wednesday, I went to the mall with Amber to drop off my applications and to get some more. Thursday, Luc came over again. I’m getting spoiled, heh. We…you guessed it, went to the mall, and I dropped off the rest of my applications. We went to Wendy’s to eat and some dirty kids were trying to start a fight, but you’ll have that I suppose. Luc got pretty angry, understandably so. We came home and watched A Cinderella Story, his choice, heh, and then he went home. Friday, Katie came and picked me up and we went to the mall to find Mike some shoes, quite unsuccessfully. I’m getting pretty sick of the outlet mall, that’s for sure. Oh, and Katie hit my mailbox and knocked it over and broke it, heheh. She dropped me off at home and then my mom and I went to get my hair done. It’s blonde again.

Saturday was my favorite favorite FAVORITE day of the week, though. Luc came and picked me up around 10 a.m. and we went to the city, heh. He got me a BestBuy giftcard for my birthday, so I went and got the O.C. Mix 4 and Fast Times at Ridgemont High. We went to the Brighton Hot Dog Shop then hung out for awhile. Around 6:30 we went and picked up JJ and went to KFC. We decided that JJ and Wayne would come to take me home, so I met Wayne..which was interesting haha. He's a nice kid. The ride home was a lot of fun, saying goodbye was not.
Soo...I don't have much to complain about in the way of last week. I hope that this week goes the same way. (Which is only possible if I get to see Luc just as much, which is doubtful.)
Alright, I'm out of here. Hit me up with weekend plans, yo. :-)

Audrey Renee'

P.S. I have a pair of sweet white lace up the leg shoes that I never wore because I'm too damn tall...but they're totally cute if anyone would want them for prom or just because they're awesome. Let me know...they're a size 9.

I Just Want to be Catching up to you

Thu, 07 Apr 2005 01:03:54 GMT

Yesterday was a lot of fun. Luc and I hung out and I got a hamster named Charleigh. I sure do love Luc...and Charleigh.

Today was fun for awhile. I don't really have too much to say except for this. If there is ANYTHING I am proud of myself for in the entire situation, it would be that I took complete responsibility for it. I blamed no one except for myself, and I STILL feel guilty and low about everything. I'm not mad, I'm just extremely disappointed.

That is all.

Audrey Renee'

♥Oh, won't you stay...just a little bit l o n g e r♥

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 02:21:57 GMT

Hm...thanks to all of you who remembered my birthday etc, I love you dearly. It was lame and felt like any other day, but oh well. Mother Dearest didn't get me anything, haha. It's almost funny, in a sick sort of way, but I didn't feel too sad about it at all. I didn't feel anything towards it until today when she bought my sisters stuff for no reason at the mall.

This has been...the most crazy weekend of my life. If there has every been a more ridiculous evening, it has totally slipped from my memory.

Friday, Jenn and I had made super awesome plans to hang out, eat, and sleep at her house, etc. The day was going by surprisingly fast for a Friday that we had super sweet plans for, and that was exciting. 7th period, we were called out for a fire drill. WRONG!!! It turns out, good old Grove City High was having yet another bomb threat. We stood out there the entire rest of the day, making fun of Paul Baseler, nearly getting into fights, and torturing the innocent freshman. You know how we do. ;) However, our fun was not to last. At the end of the day, the teachers announced that no one was getting back into the school for any reason. Not to get phones, keys, medicine, nada. This, of course, sent the entire student body into a complete frenzy. Katie, Jenn, and I got terribly mad and left. Brent picked Jenn and I up, and we came back to my house where something incredibly embarrassing happened. (If I like ya, I'll tell ya ;) ) We drove by the school around 5 to see if the doors were open, and they were, so we raced in, got our phones etc, and left. Jenn and I got back to her house, found out our plans were not going too well, and started freaking out some more. We went to the mall in her daddy's pimp truck and bought our lovers some toys. (Jenn bought Brent a Bjork Greatest Hits DVD, and I bought Luc a sweet girl sweatshirt because he's emo. Kidding, Luc. heh.) We left a little later than we should have, and picked up Brent. And this is where the REAL misery began. We were supposed to meet Luc at Best Buy in Cranberry. Unfortunately, none of us know anything ABOUT Cranberry, so we got pretty lost. It was pouring down rain, freezing, and Luc doesn't have a phone. Luckily, he called us from a pay phone or something and we ended up meeting him about an hour and a half late. (Not after a lot of other confusion, though.) So we made it to CiCi's Pizza cold, wet, and tired...but by no means defeated! After dinner, Jenn, Brent, Luc and I were going to go to Jenn's grandma's house. After driving around for a little over an hour, ("My grandma only lives 10 miles away!!") Jenn realized we were extremely lost and we went to a motel to ask for directions. Finally, at 12 a.m., we made it back safely to Jenn's house. The saga of last night continues, but I don't feel like writing about it anymore because it's probably boring to everyone except for those involved. This morning, Luc and I hung out at Eat n Park and we both felt really sick, so that wasn't too fun. We went to Movie Gallery and I bought Napoleon Dynamite, The Secret Window, Starsky and Hutch, and Wicker Park, and then Luc and I came back to my house and watched Napoleon and Starsky and Hutch. Around 3, we left for Butler and hung out in the mall until my mom got there and we ate some delicious Texas Road House food. We walked around the mall a bit more, and then went our separate ways. :( I miss him already...a ton. He's the greatest boy ever. Maybe I should go back in my journal and count how many times I've said that? Sorry for the repatitiveness, folks. It just can't be helped.

Ah well, now I'm at home, completely bored, and pretty tired. Luc went to a movie with his parentals, and he's going to call me when he gets back. In the meantime, I'm going to watch Dirty Dancing.

P.S. Whoever is leaving cryptic comments in my journal, you should probably just let me know. I detest immaturity. And yes, I realize you didn't say anything mean, but just tell me for pete's sake! :)

♂ Sweet, I'm a fem! :)

▼ *Oh, won't you stay...just a little bit longer

Please, please, please...say you will*

°i guess since you have the link

i can tell you i love you more...heh

☼ i could be mean, i could be stupid, i could be just like you ☼

Tue, 29 Mar 2005 14:37:41 GMT

I'm in such a bad mood. Why? Because I signed on to AIM just now to kill some time before my orthodontist appointment, and this is what I read:

please remind me my love
take me back cause im so in love with what we were
im not breathing, im suffocating without you
do you feel it too?

girls come and go but friends are a life sentence
id walk away but you're one of my best friends

its so hard to lose someone you thought you'd have for life.
but, none the less, ill sit & wait for you to realize your mistake.
& why? because i believe in friendship.
an everlasting friendship.

THAT, my friends, is the profile of a girl that is madly in love with Luc and will stop at nothing to sabatage our relationship. Unfortunately for her, that is quite impossible, but still! She's out of her mind!! A few of you have read the things she was saying to me. Those of you who automatically thought Kaila was involved (that's whose profile that is), I think you're right. This "Amanda" girl knew way too much about Luc...things that ONLY Kaila would know. Coincidence? I think not. I'd like to kill this girl. Yesterday, Hollie IMed her, and Kaila made UP a conversation between herself and Hollie that made Hollie look like a stalker!! She's such an IDIOT!!!!!!! Oh my lord, she sent Luc something with Hollie's s/n that said something like "i know that you're in your kitchen wearing a black tank top" or some shit. Newsflash, HOLLIE DIDN'T SAY THAT!! Then Kaila was like "Omg, Luc, I think that she's friends with Amanda and they're stalking me!!" Needless to say, it was pretty funny when I caught her on THAT lie. She didn't know what to say, besides that she was trying to protect us so that we know she's a liar. WHAT?!?!? I need to kill this girl. She needs to have her WRISTS SLIT!!! Yeah, I'm not angsty...

Oh well. Yesterday was extremely wonderful. Luc came over and we hung out and watched Dirty Dancing. We got hungry, so we went to Arby's and my daddy called and told Luc "You better take care of my little girl!" Hahaha. We left Arby's and hung out at WalMart for fun, and then we came home and I got an Easter card from my dad. :) $$$ :) We took off again to the mall and walked around for a couple hours and I actually didn't spend ANY money. Luc was proud. We came back home and watched Eulogy because that movie is completely AWESOME and then he went home.

I love him. :)

Now I'm off to the ortho, and then school. Grr.

Audrey Renee'.

Wow, i think my hamster is a little MORE than aggravated. i can tell from that crazy, demonic gleam in his eye.

P.S. Easter...was just another day. Oh well, I got some chocolate. :)

╬ I Submit, My Incentive is Romance ╬

Sun, 27 Mar 2005 03:30:43 GMT

What a weekend.

Thursday night, Katie came over and picked me up. Interesting evening...details given upon request. We hung out with Mike and her sister and her...and later her mom...fun times.

Friday I hung out with Luc. Twas a truly marvelous time and I shall never forget it. He bought me a promise ring. It's white gold with diamonds in it..and I'm in love with it...but mostly him.

I don't feel like writing. I'm in love, kids...and that's all there is to it.

Besides all of the other crazy arguments that I've had with my mother and the atrocious hair cut I got.

Audrey Renee'

♠Everything We Have is Everything We Need♠

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 21:40:34 GMT

Update for Today--Take II

I've noticed that when I'm in a state of absolute boredom, I begin to think about morbid, depressing things. It's completely an accident, and I usually try to avoid such musings by taking short naps or watching happy, stoner-esque movies such as Dazed and Confused. Being in a good mood today is seeming to be completely unobtainable. I suppose I'll write about my grievances on here instead of in my hand-written journal, because I'm much too lazy to write a long, tiresome essay on the endless list of things that bother me. Of course, I suppose this list won't be too awfully endless, because Katie will be here within the hour. So, here I go on yet another purposeless saunter of lamentations.

Ho hum. I've begun to feel utterly hopeless again. Leaving seems so far away and unachievable. And yet, that is the only thing that I want to do. Once I'm out of here, the only things that I will need to deal with are financial problems and loneliness. Neither are definite, as I will probably end up in Philadelphia with my father and his side of the family, and my monetary state will be no different then than it is now. California is what I hope for, but I try not to be too naive. An 18 year old just released into the "Real World" has a small chance of making it big in an entirely different surrounding with no one to guide them. Luc said he'd go where ever I go, which would be awesome, but once again I am trying to not be clueless. If things work out that way, I would be in a complete state of euphoria, but it's not like I'm not considering other options. I have a little over a year that I am stuck here being miserable. I seem to make my family miserable, as well. I guess I never deliberated on how they actually feel about me. I mean, I know that they hate me, but did I do something to deserve it? I guess I am a little bit more wordly than all of them. I enjoy going out, and maybe I make too big a deal out of clutter and the fact that we're poor. Apparantly, my "spiritual state" is unbearable to them, although I feel as if the actual sincerity of everyone else's is perhaps faux. Or at least a little bit put on. I can see why they'd be jealous of me, take that as a conceited remark if you will. I just mean that since I've met my father, he has provided for me more than my sister's father ever has for them, and I think that they feel a twinge of envy because of that; even if it is subconscience. For at least three weeks a year, I get away from here, and I think that my mom is extremely envious of that. She hates her life, probably more than I hate mine. (Not that I'm contemplating suicide or I don't feel as though I have a reason for living, or anything.) I guess I would too, if I were her. Three kids, two different fathers, and minimal support coming in. A mediocre job, and crappy living quarters. True, she is ridiculous with some of her rules and views. Once again, she brought up the fact that I shouldn't be dating Luc because he's not a Christian. I will not stop. That would literally be like cutting off my life support. I was reading my old entries, before him, and thinking about my emotions as I wrote them, and I was such...a drone. I feel like I need him to be able to stand up on my own. Call that pathetic, I don't care. Maybe I don't need him to stand up, but I do to run. My grades have improved, my views on everything have become so much clearer and decisive. I am my own person, and he has helped me. I will NOT give that up.

I keep daydreaming about my life after Grove City. College, marriage, et cetera. Regardless of whether or not I'm successful at those things, I will be G-O-N-E. I've never felt "at home," and I can't wait to make my own. I anticipate the day I will lay down on my couch in my own house or apartment, and feel completely at home, and not just like a resident. It will be absolutely glorious. :)

Alright, maybe I feel a little bit better. My future minus Grove City doesn't seem too far away, after all. Hey, my birthday is a week from today. Luc's shopping for me as I type. And tomorrow, I get to see him. Ahhh, I can't wait. :)

Now, I shall go prepare myself for a fun filled evening with Miss Katie Thompson.

AudreyRenee'

∞. it's >you< that i'm r u n n i n g to baby .∞

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 16:07:20 GMT

Hola. Day one of my Easter Vacation and I am sitting at home, updating my Livejournal. See, that's okay, because I'm going out later!! Heh.

Yesterday was a fantastic day. I called Katie and begged her to come to school. Luckily, she obliged, and we had a very...interesting time at school. We both skipped about every period we didn't have together so we could hang out. We "chilled" in the office for a bit, walked around, went to each other's lunches, back to the office, etc. Mrs. Wilson chatted with us for awhile because she loves us, and then we went to the library. It was probably one of the best school days I've ever had. After school, Katie and I wanted to hang out, so we went back to her house and talked with our boys. We got bored with that, so we headed over to the outlet malls. I bought some sexy underwears eheheh...and then we went to Eat n Park. Alex Alessio came over to our table and hung out with us for awhile. Then Brandon came in and we talked to him for a minute. It was a lot of fun. Our theme song for the night was of course, Hollywood Freaks. Sweeeet. Katie dropped me off around 8 and then an hour later, she called and asked if I wanted to hang out some more. Heh, mother wasn't having that though, so we called it a night and I talked to Luc for a few hours. All in all...I'm thinking it was a darn good day. :)

I just woke up to Luc calling me maybe an hour ago. Katie is going to call so she can come pick me up and we can have another action-packed evening. Then, tomorrow, she's taking me to Butler so I can see my boyfriend!!! I'm so excited I can barley contain it.

Well, this entry...is pretty grammatically challenged, so I better go.

Love Audrey

§ I PrOMiSe I'LL dO aNYtHiNg yOu AsK tHiS TiMe §

Mon, 21 Mar 2005 21:54:19 GMT

I wish I actually paid attention to the random alt codes I type in. Sometimes I end up with some pretty rad things, and I don't even know how to make them. Such is life, I suppose.

Nothing really too new, I suppose. I've been writing more in my actual hand-written journal, oh the horror, and so I'm going to feel extremely repetitive by transferring from that one to this one. In any case, my weekend was relatively uneventful, and therefore, this update will probably be rather boring.

On Friday, I was informed that someone has been calling me "dirty." I could be wrong, but I was under the impression that a synonym for that word could be "unclean." Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought that by showering every day and trying to keep yourself in a somewhat clean environment, you qualified as a "clean kid." Maybe not, if you wish to override my opinion, you may comment in my journal on your thoughts of a generally sanitary person. Setting that aside for the time being, I didn't do anything very exciting. Travis called me Thursday night to invite me along on their partying shannigans, but I politely declined. Call me whipped, but Luc really doesn't want me to attend such events, and I didn't feel like it anyways. I do enjoy the occasional party etc., but I need it in small doses, guys! I'm just little! :) heheh. So, I decided on the polar opposite of partying: an over-night stay at my great-grandmother's house. I enjoyed her company for a couple hours, and then I headed upstairs so I could talk to Luc and jam to the Beatles. Martin came up to compliment me on my choice of music, which was humorous because I actually stole the CD from him in the first place. Ah well. I wrote for a little while and then went to sleep.

Saturday morning, I woke up around 8 for some crazy reason and went downstairs to converse with my grandmother. We enjoyed some toast and hot chocolate, and then I took a shower and put on my face, etc. She needed some things from the store, so she let me drive her car!! It felt so wonderful to be behind the wheel again; it's been a LONG time. (I'd like to take this opportunity to add that Martin isn't even allowed to TOUCH her car keys, and he's 28, heheh.) I went to Henry's and picked up the necessary items, and then proudly drove myself home. Luc showed up around 1:30. I gave him a quick tour of the farm and then we went to the park. We hung out there for awhile, and then he decided he was hungry, so we went to Wendy's. That was a lot of fun, but it was all "you had to be there" stuff, so I'll leave it out of my already tiresome entry. We galavanted around the outlets for a bit where we visited Katie and Mandy and checked out some sweet new clothes in A.E. (Like that righteous little denim jacket with buttons on it that I REALLY wouldn't mind having for my birthday *wink wink*) We sat in the parking lot for awhile because it was cold, and then we headed over to the church dinner. You can only imagine how fun that is. Mother dearest, (as I have fondly taken to calling her) set Mrs. Puliatti up to asking Luc what church he goes to. Cute. Then, Mother insisted that Sarah and I get together more often to improve my "spiritual state." Grr. Luc left around 7 for a hockey game, and neither of us were pleased.

Sunday was pretty much the usual. I woke up, went to church, and then went to eat dinner with the Puliatties. I love my pastor dearly. He's so funny and nice and just REAL and I like to be around him. I told him about my plans to move away and why I want to etc, and he said, "Don't ever do anything because you're running away from something. Nothing good will ever come of it." He of course was talking about the far distance my desired homestead is from where I am now, and he knows the main reason behind it. Fortunately, it really is something I want to do, and yes, it does have its benefits. Sarah and I watched Garden State, went to Youth Group, night church, and then I came home and talked to Luc.

I told my dad about a lot of things. He didn't really say very much, but he did offer me his home from the summer until I graduate. I couldn't do it, mainly because I can't leave Luc, but it's great to know that I have that option. I very nonchalantly brought it up to Mother Dearest and she started to flip out about how I can't and I wouldn't have her permission, etc, but unfortunately for her, I don't need her permission. He is my father, and there is no custody agreement. I may live with whomever I so desire. Her telling me that I'm not allowed made me want to buy a plane ticket that very instant. Oh well, I don't see any moving trucks in the near future. Thank God for Luc, or I'd be out of here the second I had the opportunity.

Today was lame. Jenn had her wisdom teeth out, it is a Monday, and nothing exciting happened. I did hear that my friends and I are becoming dirty due to the influence of another of our friends? Let me let you in on something, darling. You, regardless of what you think, are no better than my friends OR myself. You have no motivation, and you will probably go nowhere. Why don't you look around you, for Christ's sake? You are so busy examining and scrutinizing everyone elses' lives that you cannot even see the pathetic hole that you are in. YOU are nothing. You do not make your money. Congratulations on your nice clothes, your nice house, and your fabulous connections. I'm oh so happy for you. Just keep in mind that you are not the breadwinner, and you have absolutely nothing to do with your wealth. I thought you were smart enough to know that money has nothing to do with a person. I'm sick of being brought down to your level in an attempt to defend myself. I do not NEED to defend myself to you. You are absolutely nothing in my eyes, nor are you anything wonderful in the eyes of anyone else. Oh, and it would probably be just SUPER if you watched who you said things to. It'll come back to me, love. I gaurantee it. :) Do you think that maybe NOW we can act like mature adults and move on with our lives? Let me put it simply: Do not open your mouth if anything you say relates to me in any way. Thanks SO much. :) :-*

Well, this entry has been entirely too long and boring, so for everyone's sake, including my own, I will end it.

Goodnight, lovies.

Audrey Renee'

Fri, 18 Mar 2005 19:26:45 GMT

You have a surprise kiss! Your partner is always
pleasantly pleased to have you jump outta no
where to dote them with a fun peck on the cheek
or more passionate embrace. super markets and
work places are your favorite places to attack
your loved one with all your love =p

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Man, there's just nothing to do in Study Hall. Especially when I am literally FORCED to watch a couple...doing everything except make out right before my eyes. Gross.

On the bright side, I'm a surprise kiss. What's better than that, eh?

I get to see Luc tomorrow. THAT is better, but not by much.

Audrey Renee

They're Sharing a Drink They Call Loneliness, But it's Better Than Drinking Alone

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 19:48:02 GMT

I decided to update so that everyone knows that everything is fine, not that anyone's asked or anything. Sunday night was really bad, Luc was so upset and sad and I felt like dying. I don't think I'd be able to take hurting him again. He honestly just doesn't deserve it. It was terrible to hear him tell me how perfect I am, even after I messed up. He's definitely way too good for me, and I am so happy that I have him. So yes, I was miserable until Tuesday. I talked to Mrs. Wilson about it; I told her everything; even things that no one else knows about. She told me that she was very proud of me for telling him about what happened, and she wasn't disappointed. She said she would be if I ever did it again, but she knows that I'm smart enough to learn from my mistakes and not repeat them. For some reason, every time we talk, I feel so much better, but I also feel like crying. She wants to help me get away from everything, and I love her. She told me she's counting the days until I explode on my family. I almost did this morning, because I found several MORE of my shirts rolled up in balls, buried underneath wet towels. Sweet. Of course I started freaking out, and I slapped Hannah across the face. She is really a horrible little girl, and I hate her. Same with Celeste. Dan was there, and he started yelling at me, and he said, "I didn't come over here to listen to you all fight!!" Um, no one even asked him to come over? Grr!! I was walking passed my room and Hannah came up to me and pushed me as hard as she could against my door and I slammed my shoulder on it and it has a bruise. That little wench better be damn grateful that her dad was there, or I would have kicked her ass. Ooh, I was so mad.

Jenn and I got off to a pretty good start in school today. We ran laps and tackled people, kicked people in the butt, pretended to punch people in the face, and other annoying things like so. It was a lot of fun, although I came into class very exhausted. I'm not used to such extensive workouts, especially so early in the morning. I'm still in school right now, actually. Eight period study hall. It sucks real bad, especially because Brandon isn't here. So yeah, I'm just sitting here updating my journal because, well, I'm lame.

Luc came over yesterday. It was so much fun, I don't know what I would have done if I had to wait til Saturday to see him. He got here and gave me candy and then we started to watch House on Haunted Hill. Jenn called though, and asked if we wanted to go hang out with her, Mandy, and Katie. I said "sure thang," and we all met at Eat n' Park. Since Jenn is in love with Luc, she ran away with him, holding hands hahaha, and we fought over him in the line. AHA it was so funny; he was like "This happens to me all the time!!" while we were shoving eachother and exchanging obscenities. We were eating and Jenn ran over and told them it was my birthday, as is custom, and they brought me out some icecream and stuff and sang me a song. Luc and me left and...hung out for a bit before returning home to my tyrannical mother. She was just laying there on the couch and I was like, "Um, mom, what are you DOING?!?" and she got really angry and huffy. We watched Law and Order, but he had to be home at 11. Soo...we kissed goodbye and he left. (Might I add that he is seriously SO sexy that I can't even believe it. Jenn, Katie and I were looking at that picture of two boys kissing, one that is IDENTICAL to Luc, and we came to the conclusion that it IS him, and that turns me on, heh.) I went to bed, and my mom came storming in, being her cranky self, demanding Luc's mom's name and number so she can call to find out how much "alone time" we have. FREAK!!!! AHH, if we really wanted to do something, WE'D FIND A WAY!! Dear LORD!! Luckily, Luc clued his mother in on some things, so she knows what to expect. We're never at his house by ourselves, his parents just allow us to go in his freaking room because they actually trust us. That's always neat. Oh well. He's coming here on Saturday so we can go to my church dinner...oh yay..blah. I hate it when he comes here..all we do is sit in the living room and watch TV with my loving family. I hate that. And as for the whole church dinner thing...bleck. No one in my family better be mean to him or I'll flip out. He's awesome, and I love him more than anything or anyone. So there. MAN am I defiant!!

I guess I'm going to go waste more of the school's ink by printing out random pictures of people and things to draw. THAT'S always a good time.

Audrey Renee'.

P.S. On the way to school today, I saw a bumper sticker that said "If it ain't country, it ain't music." Now, this bumper sticker upset me for two reasons. One, the statement in itself is completely blasphemous, and two, it is an grammatical atrocity, and it makes me seethe.

That is all.

♠ It Was Only a Kiss, it Was Only a Kiss ♠

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 02:12:32 GMT

Yeah, today was one of the worst days ever. I told Luc about Friday night...I had to. It was completely eating away at me, and I'm not all about hiding things, especially from the only person that has never let me down. It hurt...a lot. I told him, and he got pretty quiet, and he cried. I wanted to die. Last night, we only talked about it for like, a half an hour, and then he just changed the subject. Today, he called me while I was on the bus, and made me feel so horrible. He wasn't trying to, and even if he was, I would have deserved it. He told me that the only reason why he could sleep on Friday night was because he knew that I love him, and that I wouldn't do anything to jeopordize what we have. Typing that...makes me want to vomit. I love him more than anything. I was so miserable today in school. I just wrote in my journal and tried to write a letter to him, but it more or less sounded like I was trying to put him on a guilt trip, and that was certainly not the case. Listening to him ask me questions like "So at the moment you kissed him...he meant as much to you as I do? Maybe even more?" was worse than if he would have just called me a bitch and hung up on me. I wanted him to get angry. Well, I guess I needed him to. He never did...he was just sad. And that hurt. Of course, I promised that I would never do anything like that again, and I apologized a million times, and cried my eyes out, and he actually told me he was sorry for making me feel bad. How did I manage to get lucky enough to have him? I still feel like shit. All I want to do is cry and listen to sad music.

I can't believe I've made the transformation from a heartless wench to a complete emo chick. Emo freak maybe.

What the hell am I talking about?

Audrey

♥YoU mEaN eVerYtHiNG tO mE, AnD THAT WiLL NEVER cHaNgE♥

Mon, 14 Mar 2005 00:29:30 GMT

What a weekend. Amber and Ashley have both written it, but I'm pretty sure that both of their journals are private. So I think I'll take a gander at a quick summarization. Yeah right.

Friday, Ashley picked me up from school. We rented I ♥ Huckabees, which did not go over too well, heh, and picked up Amber. We went back to her house and did nothing until Tom called with some things for us to do. We went over to his friend Mike's house where I sucked up the beautiful room with my inability to play pool. May I just say that Amber is awesome at it, and Ashley's not bad either. ;) We got bored there, and went to go meet up with the "Crew." Oh, the Crew. It consists of Tom, Phillabaum(that kid), Andrew(last name has left me completely), Travis, and Justin Cuncio(sp.) (Sadly, no one likes Justin, heh.) We met at Shop n' Save if memory serves, and drove around for awhile. We ended up at Denny's, as is custom, and acted retarted. The entire time, Phillabaum was telling Justin how much I like him, and Justin really wanted to ride with us in Ashley's car and take pictures of me with his camera phone. Weird. So..we went to a "wild party," ("There has to be like THREE HUNDRED people there!!!") there turned out to be MAYBE 15, and it was ridiculous and crazy and I just wanted to leave. Luc called, and he was surprisingly not overprotective..he just told me to be careful and don't do anything stupid. Ashley decided that it would be better to just go to her house, so we did. The Crew (as named before) showed up with some annoying girl that took a lot of pills. She was nice, but really starved for attention. We sort of watched Garden State, but we weren't really...ourselves. We played a game that we saw in the movie...very interesting. I kept passing out and eventually just went to sleep. Only I couldn't sleep because everyone was so loud. Yes, Andrew DID do a freaking backflip on the mattress in the living room. I thought the entire apartment was going to come banging on the door flailing around pitchforks. Nikki got mad. Me and Travis talked for awhile...and Tom was sad. That girl kept taking Travis' car keys and sitting out in his car because she took a million advil and drank and she clearly wanted boys to follow her out and feel sad for her. She was also mad because she likes Travis and she's going to prom with him and she didn't appreciate me us talking. Ahh well. At like 7, I got up, started cleaning, and then went up to talk to Amber and Ashley. I was sad for awhile, but then my mom picked me up and took me to Butler where I met Luc. We hung out all day and watched movies and then his parents took me to Starbucks because they love me. heh. Starbucks was EXACTLY what I needed at 10:30 p.m. because I was completely falling asleep at Luc's house. Maybe it has to do with me not sleeping at ALL on Friday? Oh well. I got to Ashley's around 11 but we were too tired so we just went straight to sleep.

In summary, I had a pretty good weekend. There are a couple things that I would change, but I can't, so I'm going to pretend they didn't happen. I love you, Amber and Ashley...thanks for a wonderful weekend.

Audrey Renee'

± Bad Religion? ±

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 19:49:44 GMT

Since I have taken the day off, I've decided to write about my "religious convictions." I'm not writing in here to offend anyone, and I'm not trying to tell anyone that they are wrong. All I want if for someone to be able to clear things up for me.

First of all, there's Creation in general. If you don't believe that, well how are you supposed to believe anything? My questions about Creation are: 1.) How did God get here in the first place? I know they say that He's just, always existed...but it just doesn't add up.
Secondly, why did God let Satan fall? God is all powerful, right? He has control over everything...therefore, He should have stopped Satan long before sin esculated to what it is today. Satan was an angel that chose to go in "a different direction." Bottom line, God knows everything, so why didn't he just not even create Satan?
Next, why is there a Hell? If you think about what kind of people go to Hell, it seems incredibly unfair. In the Bible, God says that if you do not have Him in your heart, and you do not except everything He says, then you will be sent to the fiery pit. Let me see here. My mother, as most of you know, is a religious freak. She has not, however, and IS not, living the life of a good person who spreads the gospel and loves the Lord. She says she does, though, and she can look at me and tell me that I do not have Jesus in my heart. She does most everything for herself, and always feels sorry for how terrible HER life is, and rarely tries to make it better for anyone else. One may call her selfish and hypocritical. She can judge my boyfriend, and even though he is a far better person than her, she will tell me I can't spend my life with him? I'm sorry, but I have seen far more marriages between Christians fail than marriges of non-Christians. My mother...point in case. 2 marriages, neither of those men are my father. Interesting. Then we have my father. He is an excellent man who would do anything for anyone. The same with his whole family. And yes, Luc. None of them have accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior, but other than that, they're doing everything right. Why should they go to Hell? Why should they suffer an eternity for sins that they haven't even committed for 1/12 of their entire lives? It just doesn't make sense, and it doesn't seem fair. My mom's going to heaven, and my dad's side of the family/my boyfriend are going to hell? That does NOT add up. (Not that I want anyone to go to Hell.)
What religion is right, anyway? If you look at Catholism, it just seems like a bunch of bull to scare people. But wait a second...almost every religion is founded on Catholism, so what's going on here? Are the Bible and God scare tactics to make everyone mind their p's and q's and live good lives? Look at all of the things Catholics do to get "confirmed." I've learned a lot since a few of my friends are in the process, and it just seems a little ridiculous. They have to answer 100 questions, go to retreats, confess to the Priest, do community service; all this to get into Heaven. Protestants say that you can't get into Heaven through good works alone. Protestants also, at least my church, spends what seems like every minute watching everyone else, "the wordly," and making examples out of them and what we shouldn't be doing. I would think it to be much more profitable to worry about yourself and try to become a better person from your own mistakes. I hardly thing homosexuality concerns anyone except for the homosexuals. If it is, in fact, wrong, well then they will be paying for it, and we are not the ones to be inflicting judgement nor punishment.
Lastly, what if you sit down, and try as hard as you can to accept everything, but the more you analyze, the more you think, the worse off you become? This is my problem. I know for a fact that I don't want to go to Hell, and maybe that's my reasoning for trying to make myself believe. Some people need that hope, and the faith that Someone is there, someone that will make everything better and punish those who should be punished. So basically, it's a sort of security. In the Bible, it says that God has chosen everyone in the "book of life," or those who will "Sit at His Right Hand." (Christians.) So say I wasn't chosen. What am I supposed to do? There really is nothing that I can do, since God doesn't want me there anyways. Why didn't God just choose everyone?

So those are some of my concerns. Maybe some of you can clear them up in a heartbeat, but please do NOT tell me that I just "have to believe." I've tried, and it does nothing for me. I don't want to go to Hell, but I don't know if I want to spend eternity with a God that turns away good people just because they can't understand Him.

That was me being deep. Or maybe...philosophic. Whatever the case may be, I'm done with that, heh.

I stayed home from school today because of my cramps and cleaned. In fact, that's what I'm going to have to do now. The laundry is a-callin' my name.

Later!

Audrey Renee'.

Ashley and Amber: I will see your beautiful selves tomorrow!! Love you!!!!

░some kind of fairy tale with you░

Wed, 09 Mar 2005 22:05:08 GMT

Whoa. Check out THOSE crazy things in my subject. I have no idea. My own creativity seems to be in the driver seat, and I am a mere passenger trying to keep an eye on the crazy driver. Analogies and I...have not been getting a long.

Regardless of the well-being of my relationship with linguistics, I am in a crappy mood for lots of reasons. Well, not really lots I guess. Just the usual. I miss Luc like crazy, and I have horrible cramps that kind of make me wish that I could pass out. Plus, I am ridiculously tired. It might have to do with the obscene amound of ibuprofen I've consumed...on a relatively empty stomach, might I add. I can practically feel my liver rotting away. I suppose I have a lot to look forward, a fun packed Friday with my favorite S.R. girls, and then a beautiful day with my beautiful boy.

Today...was weird. I was mostly in a pretty bad mood due to my agonizing menstrual cramps, but nothing very bad happened or anything. My grades are super. I really like talking about that, because, well, I don't get on high honor roll very often. I'm usually RIGHT on the line. For example, last time, I had a 90.4%. They couldn't bump it up, oh no, not them...grr. Oh well, I've had relatively good grades all year and I've been on the honor roll every grading period. Today on the bus...something weird happened. I got on the bus and was waiting for Hollie to come sit by me when some strange looking new boy came and tried to sit there. I said, very kindly, "Why I'm sorry, good sir, but there is no room at the inn!" No, I actually said, "My friend's sitting here...sorry." Unfortunately, he basically shoved me up against the window and plopped his ass down anyway and told me that he is my new friend. No thank you! So, Hollie, who apparantly had a slight infatuation for this...gutterball, insisted on sitting in the seat too. I was NOT a happy camper. Being smushed up against a window when you're menstrating is not a very pleasant experience. I was about ready to start cracking skulls. Hollie seemed to have a lot of fun asking him personal questions, and he got very in touch with us about his sex life. Too many details for someone like me. I called Luc and told him about it, and he was a little disgusted by "Jim's" blatancy, etc. He told me he was also slightly jealous, because "[he] would give anything to sit by me for forty five minutes." aww. I told him not to worry, I would have sooner sat on the roof of the bus if I had that option.

Young Life...eh, what to say. I miss the old crew. Now it's just a bunch of ridiculous freshman and sophomores that Mark tells me weird rumors about. Sick. Mark was basically the only person I talked to besides Laura and Holly. Laura made me a sweet CD. :)

Okay, well I am soo tired. I need to get in an hour of sleep before the freaks come home.

2 Days til I see my Ladies!

3 Days til I see my Boyyy!

AudreyRenee'

ø i need you to need me ø

Tue, 08 Mar 2005 01:25:16 GMT

As I have had eight hours of sleep to energize my fragile body yesterday and today, I am in a state of complete...confusion. I look like a cocaine addict, and Jenn has decided to call me the "Bag Lady" because of the beautiful dark circles under my eyes. I fell asleep several times in school today, and everyone felt it necessary to remind me that a.) I look really sick b.) I look really tired or C.) "Whoa...what's the matter with you??? Thaaaanks. Oh well. Luc has some pretty bad sleeping problems, so he has to stay in the hospital tonight and another night this week for them to monitor him. I'm thinking it's most likely a blessing in disguise...we'll both have a chance to catch up on our sleep a little bit. I hope he doesn't have anything serious, that would be tres' terrible.

Luc told me for my birthday, one of two things are happening. He's getting me a promise ring, or he's taking me to the mall and making me pick things out. The latter...I don't know. I would be embarrassed to ask him to buy me things, but he's pretty adamant about it. He doesn't have very much money and it makes him mad because he told me he wants to buy me more stuff. I...don't need things when I have him.

Today in school, Jenn exploded a milk carton. You know, that crazy thing the rednecks do: seal it up and then stomp on it creating a tremendous boom. Mr. Ranker looked at her very sternly, but the cafeteria was clapping and she was milking it up. Later, Mr. Ranker saw me throw a pickle and asked me why he shouldn't write me up. I told him because I'm wonderful and his favorite ex-student. Nah...I just said "please don't." He didn't. :)

My mom told me I can never marry Luc because he's not a Christian. Heh. Oh, and she informed me that I'm not one either, and she prays for me. Hmm...deja vous. Not really caring. If I want to marry Luc, I will and we will go live in Philly or California together. Or, how about this: we'll just move in together. I bet she'd really just LOVE that. Gah. I hate people that spend their entire lives watching and judging other people, but they can't even see how messed up their own pathetic existances are. One of these days, I'm going to write an entry on everything that I'm totally confused with, and if people can help me out, that's super. Ashley and I talked about it. Maybe people just need something to hold on to. Hope of some sort.

Alright, well, madre just made homemade pudding and it's calling my name. I'm outta here.

Amber dear, cheer up. I love you, and I will be with you Friday. :)

Audrey Renee'

ðreach your hand in your pocket : pull out some hope for með

Sun, 06 Mar 2005 22:38:04 GMT

Last night was terrible. Luc and I got in an atrocious fight, and although I had no intention of breaking up with him, he was quite distraught and got very emotional. I felt bad, but also very, very numb and I was completely void of all emotion. I guess I'm not going to go into details on here, but if you really want to know, ask me when I have a heck of a lotta time, and I'll fill you in, if I haven't already. If you don't especially care to hear the particulars, you just want to know the current state we are in, here you be. We're fine. Good, great, grand. No sarcasm, although I can see how it could be constrewed as such.

Someone called me pretending to be Chinese and told me that I killed his cat with a gun. He was very upset, and I told him that I hated his cat. I suppose if I was the prank caller, I would be pretty upset, because I only asked him once who he was, and I was very calm and rather talkative. If he happens to be reading this, I would like to say "Kudos" for a great job not laughing and a humorous time. I'm sorry I didn't answer the third time you called, I was talking to Luc.

Amber, I'm sorry for leaving that cryptic comment in your journal. I was the equivalent of intoxicated, and I was very angry that you weren't online. Because..it's custom that people stay online at 4 o'clock in the morning. Or something.

Um, Cara definitely ruined my hopes and dreams of going to Washington due to the fact that I am, indeed, a prodigy and I was noticed by superiors that may possibly even include the President of the United States. So I'd like to say to you: thanks a lot. Oh, and I bet they only sent one to you because they felt pity. Kidding, kidding.

Ashley, you keep your head up, lady. I don't want to see you giving in to anything, and I want you to be the strong girl that I know you are.

Alright, well, I think I'm going to go lay down and watch some porno since I have a free preview of Starz this weekend. . . . ---> KIDDING! :-* heh.

Audrey Renee'

P.S. I made a three leaf clover, and I'm not sure how. I was going alt code crazy, and I can't figure out how I did it. I must be pretty smart.

P.P.S. Since I didn't have a dictionary handy, I took my Thesaurus and looked up the word "quixotic." A synonym for it is: romantic. I don't feel romantic, but I figure 'Hey, since I went through all of the trouble, I might as well use it. What's better than an unexpected hamster wearing a knight helmet?"

Um, did I spell Thesaurus wrong? (blushes)

°•You Don't Need to Convince Me. I Know You're the One I Should Be With..•°

ohh, those summer nights...

best friends mean we go down together

♦ i'll play bobby and you'll play whitney ♦

Ashley Noel Shumaker? Yeah, I Love Her.

δ LiGhT uP, LiGhT uP..aS iF yOu HaVe a ChOiCe δ

::Careful now, you're so beautiful::

░ ...i've seen better days... ░

φ i hunger for your touch φ

•DoN'T bE §UpRiSeD iF i LoVe yOu fOr aLL tHaT yOu ArE•

-:- i love you, always forever -:-

*I Just Want to be Catching up to you*

♥Oh, won't you stay...just a little bit l o n g e r♥

☼ i could be mean, i could be stupid, i could be just like you ☼

╬ I Submit, My Incentive is Romance ╬

♠Everything We Have is Everything We Need♠

∞. it's >you< that i'm r u n n i n g to b*a*b*y* .∞

§ I PrOMiSe I'LL dO aNYtHiNg yOu AsK tHiS TiMe §

They're Sharing a Drink They Call Loneliness, But it's Better Than Drinking Alone

♠ It Was Only a Kiss, it Was Only a Kiss ♠

♥YoU mEaN eVerYtHiNG tO mE, AnD THAT WiLL NEVER cHaNgE♥

± Bad Religion? ±

░some kind of f*a*i*r*y tale with you░

ø i need you to need me ø

ðreach your hand in your pocket : pull out some hope for með

I Just Want to be Catching up to you

∞. it's >you< that i'm r u n n i n g to baby .∞

They're Sharing a Drink They Call Loneliness, But it's Better Than Drinking Alone

░some kind of fairy tale with you░